Heartbreak, Approximately

It’s strange, but at some point in time everyone has or is going to feel it.  Doesn’t mean you have to be in that whole “star-crossed lovers” relationship to have it happen, I mean it doesn’t even have to be a romantic relationship.  But everyone will get their heart broken, and it sucks.  But that’s okay, because we’ve been there, because I’ve been there, and I get it (or at least try to).

Some refer to getting your heartbroken as an “important experience”, that it’s a “good lesson”.  NEWS FLASH:  NO ONE BELIEVES THAT!!  (not fully at least).  It’s a bit like the Emperor’s New Clothes in a sense that everyone only says its okay because somewhere along the way someone super important decided it was beautiful instead of ghastly.

So here’s what it feels like, what it felt like.

For me:

In the moment it feels like your heart is being consumed by the bile in your stomach, it feels like a thousand paper cuts covering your body with vinegar being poured into them.  And it aches and you want to scream at the top of your lungs until you lose your voice because they hurt you.

And yet I knew it wouldn’t make it any better, and I promised I would never again fall for the trap that was love.

Love:  a justification for all my impurity.

And after all of that, as dumb as it sounds, I wanted nothing more than for that very person causing me this agony to come back and say it was just a bad dream.  Because deep down all I wanted was to express my feelings and have them reciprocated, was that too much to ask?


The answer to that was no, and if you ever ask yourself that, the answer is no.  If you have truly done nothing wrong and you feel used or betrayed, do not feel like it’s your fault.  Because your feelings are valid.  But unfortunately heartbreak is inevitable, which I know is rather emo and glum.  But just because it will happen doesn’t mean it’s a good experience or that it’ll feel good, you may not even learn anything from it.  And sometimes, that’s okay.  Everything happens for a reason, even if you or anyone else doesn’t see it.  There is/was/will be a reason for your heartbreak.

But during the process it is totally okay to plot revenge and eat a shit ton of chocolate.  😉

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