Physiologically Abusive Relationships

“Physiological invalidation is one the most lethal  forms of emotional abuse. It kills creativity, confidence, and individuality.”

Being in an emotionally abusive relationship is one of the most traumatic experience’s a person can go through, but that doesn’t mean no one’s been there or that someone can’t receive help.

Relationships are strange, different, and much harder than they look to take part in. Now I’m not bashing relationships, I do believe in love, I do believe in monogamous relationships. I’m simply touching on the subject of relationships that aren’t as lovey dovey and grandiose.

As someone who has been in a abusive I hope to accurately portray a tale of what it’s like to love the perpetrator.

Perpetrator: a person who carries out a harmful, illegal, or immoral act

Abuser: a person who uses something to bad effect or for a bad purpose.


Even though they ruined your life you’re still head over heels. At the same time, you want to rip them apart and escape telling everyone what they’ve done to you. You want them to know how much it hurts to be tossed in the trash by the very one they love. For them to finally be brought to justice and punished for their crimes.

The scenario always reminds me of this one test when they do surgery on the brain. The doctors give the patient an injection of “fake medicine” the patient can feel the injection but isn’t aware that it does nothing. The doctors then ask the patient how they feel, when the patient respond that they feel better it actually confirms that the individual is actually sick and dying. That’s what it’s like to love the perpetrator. They are the fake medicine, the thing that you think makes you feel better but actually just confirms your demise. They destroy you from the inside out and yet you can’t fathom why you let it happen (even though it’s not your fault).

I’ve wanted to sit the person down and tell them how hurt I am. I want to show them what they’ve done, because I doubt they even understand what they’ve done. And I and everyone else whose been through this deserves to feel hurt. YOU AND YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID. I don’t care if it’s unsympathetic or “harsh”, you’ve been through a traumatic experiences and those feelings are going to help you recover. Scream it! Say it! IM HURT, I FEEL HURT BEYOUND REPAIR AND THE PERSON WHO DID THIS WONT LET ME FEEL VALID! IM SICK OF LOVING SICK PEOPLE AND I WANT HELP!

Because no matter what they’ve done or even what you’ve done, it is NOT your fault. You and your feelings are perfectly valid. And if you think no one will listen, you’re wrong. If one person doesn’t believe you don’t shut down, keep going. Tell someone else, and if they don’t believe you, KEEP TELLING. Because someone will believe you, because someone has been there. And if it helps, I believe you.



THE NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HOTLINE: Trained advocates are available to take your calls through our toll free, 24/7 hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).




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